


Letters to You

by little_blackbird (orphan_account)



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 18:17:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/little_blackbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never was good at saying what he was thinking, but that didn't mean he never tried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to You

**Author's Note:**

> Decided I should post this up here as well as AFF.
> 
> Enjoy!

Another aggravated sigh escaped Youngbae's lips, running a hand through his curly hair. He'd undone his braids the minute he got home, not caring that it had almost taken an hour to get it done -- they were too uncomfortable to sleep in. Youngbae chewed on his bottom lip and stared at the blank Word Document open on his computer screen, finger tapping unconsciously to the beat of the music playing through his _BEATS_ headphones. He didn't know what was playing to be honest and he didn't really care either, he was too focused on what to put down on the page.

Unlike Jiyong who could easily express his feelings through his music, it was harder for Youngbae to put those feelings into words -- especially since he wasn't one to voice his problems outright for people to hear. He liked dealing with his own problems and taking his sweet time doing it, maybe he'd even dance to sort out his thoughts.

But this time was different.

How do you write down your feelings for someone when they make you feel different things at the same time? How do you pack every little thing you want to say into a single letter without turning it into a story? Because Youngbae could easily write at least 5 or 6 pages on how amazing Jiyong's eyes were and how they pulled him in whenever he glanced his way and that it took every ounce of will power he had to look away.

Youngbae let out a long groan and hid his face in his hand, unsure of how to go about this. He didn't know why he was slaving over this letter so much, it wasn't like he was going to  _give_ it to Jiyong in the first place. It was going to be tucked away in a corner with all his other letters, lyrics, and secret pictures he took of Jiyong. But the thought that one day Jiyong might find them -- or the thought that he'd actually be brave (or stupid) enough to give them to Jiyong, always crossed his mind. The  _what if's_ always plagued him.

He wanted this letter to be perfect because that's what Jiyong deserves. Nothing less than perfection. So he built up his resolve and began typing. Typing every single thing he felt for Jiyong since the day they met: his gratitude, his worries, his love -- he shoved every little piece of raw emotion into this letter.

Hours passed and Youngbae was finally done, taking up at least 7 pages (he'd narrowed it down) on Word. He let out a breath of air and sat back in his seat, a small smile coming to play on his lips as his eyes roamed over every word he'd keyed on the screen. Just as he was about to hit the Save button, his phone vibrated in his pocket and Youngbae grinned when he saw the name on the screen.

**'Jiyong'**

He answered and pressed the phone to his ear. He was relieved to et all his feelings out for once. "Hey Ji."

**_"Hey, man! The guys and I are gonna head out for a drink, you coming?"_**

Youngbae smiled at the sound of his voice. "I could use a drink."

Jiyong laughed, and Youngbae could feel his heart flutter.  ** _"I'm passing your place right now, be ready in 15 minutes."_**

He glanced down at his current outfit: jeans, Rick Owens, and a hoodie -- plus a snapback he would grab on the way out to cover his unruly hair, and shrugged to himself. Good enough. Youngbae cleared his throat, "Hey Ji, I was wondering--"

**_"Oppa! Is Youngbae-oppa coming too?"_**

Youngbae paled, his smile slipping off his face in an instant.

_**"Just a sec, Bae."**_ And he could tell that Jiyong pulled the phone away from his face long enough to say,  ** _"Yeah, babe, he's coming."_** Before returning his attention back to him.  _"Sorry, so what'd you want to say Bae?_ "

Youngbae fell silent and stared blankly at his computer screen, his chest tightening violently. _Of course_ Jiyong would bring his girlfriend along, he always did. Youngbae didn't hate Jiyong's girlfriend -- he could never hate anyone who made Jiyong happy -- she was nice enough, but she was a constant reminder that he could never be what Jiyong wanted. That Jiyong would never see him more than his best friend. That Jiyong would never be able to return his feelings. That the letter he'd spent hours writing was completely idiotic and useless.

**_"Youngbae? You still there?"_**

Youngbae stared at the last few lines of his letter and moved his mouse over the "X" button, a screen popped up.

##  **Would you like to save this document?**

**_"Youngbae?"_**

"Yeah Ji." he finally murmured back in a quiet voice, a defeated look on his face that Jiyong would never see. He hit   **NO**   and watched as all his hard work disappeared with one click of a button. "I'm still here."

 

* * *


End file.
